Little Nothings

Today i decide to write down everything that keeps bothering me over and over,

a relentless struggles of emotions and values over work and duty.

Its been five years since my first breakup and follow up deranged relationships always leaving behind some part of myself somewhere else.

Never been able to recollect those pieces lost somewhere within the conscious or with the people who left.

Its never been an easy journey as my braggadocios nature tells about, rather one which i rarely tell about.

Slowly and slowly i keep losing myself ,

The over excited individual,

The hyperactive party freak,

and perhaps once a trusted shoulder.

Everyday i lean back on my rolling chair,

exactly at 2:00 am only to repent all the rash decisions i ever made,

all irrational texts i ever sent,

all people i ever lost

repeatedly thinking how i have changed from a nice guy to an Arrogant cold person.

I remember how i used to melt at those sights and smiles ,always the first to rush into work, always the one to advice everyone but now all it seems that was nothing more than a shell for the present to crumble upon.

Ten minutes later i wonder the strange dilemma it was and still is,

How i thought and worked for a better life and job and now when i advance to achieve even a bigger dream,

Losing petals of the Rose during my humble struggle,

I wonder where i went wrong.

Was it my ego? Was it the sin of my Pride or was it something else.

The cursor still blinks looking at me like it always had ,

trying to escape from becoming the tool to a sorry demise.

I clearly remember all of them saying,

How complex minded person i am,

Overthinking everything ,Presuming conclusive answers and speaking calculated emotions.

But never does anyone realize,

For only if all things were that simple to me.

 

As an atheist i have become i still thank his grace whoever he/she is,

For always gracing me with individuals who have helped me collect those broken pieces,

For providing me with an adhesive to put those pieces back together to recreate a vase

with each individual piece trained over the past.

I simple have learned to live with the reality that has always been a bother to me and deep down still is.

But when i look around i see fools with even greater minds all succumbed to the same cause.

Living and enjoying the sweet little nothings of life.